The hard part about change is that with it there is often a loss of things we care about.  Perhaps this is why we tend to resist change.

With Change Comes Loss

A few months ago I  resigned from a job that gave me a sense of purpose and a way to use my gifts.  And even more recently we sent our daughter, also our youngest child, off to college.  Both of these changes, while right and good, also have meant losses.  Especially sending our daughter off to college, as now all three of our kids have launched into their lives apart from being primarily in our home.  If I were to list all the losses this brings, it would be a long list!

Within Every Loss Lies An Opportunity

I was recently listening to a podcast that I really find helpful (all about the Enneagram) and the discussion was around change and the resulting loss we experience.

In this case, the guest on the podcast had recently gone through a loss of some sort that also brought grief with it.  A good friend of his asked,

What does this make possible for you?

Asked in another way, “What does this change, this loss, this emptiness, now make possible that wasn’t maybe possible before?”

Reframing The Situation

Part of moving on from experiences that bring a change is taking time to name the losses and allow ourselves to feel them as deeply as we need to.  Grieving is part of life.  Even good changes bring loss.

Healthy grieving means not denying the feelings but allowing them to transform us into better, more open and loving people.  It’s part of being able to move on and move forward.  Otherwise, we may stay stuck in the past, always trying to reclaim what we feel we lost.

In time,  it becomes possible to reframe the loss into possibilities and even opportunities.

This is a silly example, but my husband and I noted that our house is cleaner now with fewer people around.  But really, not so silly because this is something that does matter to me. This is something positive that I can focus on rather than simply lamenting everyone’s absence.  On a more serious note, this season now affords Charles and I the opportunity to travel together more.

Try It 

Think of a situation where you feel you have lost something that mattered to you.  List everything that feels like a loss about that situation.  Acknowledge these and allow yourself to grieve those losses if you haven’t already.

And then start to think about what this loss could mean going forward.  Are there new opportunities this opens up for you?  What possibilities lie before you that you wouldn’t have pursued or thought about before?  Big or small, list them all.  Since you can’t change what was lost, you can now begin to focus on the positive possibilities going forward.

If you can’t see what these are, talk to a close friend.  Sometimes we need others to help us see what we can’t see for ourselves.  I know that’s been true for me.

How About You?

Maybe you are in the midst of a change that has brought or is bringing a loss for you personally.  May you, and I,  have eyes to see the possibilities that are ready to emerge when you are ready to allow them to.  God is always pulling us forward into the beautiful new.  This is the hope that God invites everyone into.

Leave a comment!  And please share if you found this helpful.

 

Photo by Elizabeth Meyers on Unsplash