1. raise (something) to a higher standard, in particular improve (equipment or machinery) by adding or replacing components.
   “the cost of upgrading each workstation is around $300”

A few thoughts about upgrades:

Upgrades usually come with a cost

Without upgrades, a product becomes obsolete

Something has to be given up

Something is gained

Upgrades Aren’t Just For Computers

We may think of products or services as being the target of an upgrade.  However, relationships also need upgrades. Especially our closest relationships, whether it be friends, family, or spouse.  Left to themselves, most relationships with spiral downward.  No relationship drifts into excellence.

What do I mean by an upgrade?  For us, it means intentionally leaning into some needed conversations, finding new ways to talk and communicate more deeply, and, basically resisting the natural tendency towards status quo.

Charles and I have been intentionally working on our relationship.  It’s scarey to say that out loud.  But I’m saying it out loud because here’s the fear I want to expose:  As married folks we think that if we admit we’re working on some things in our marriages, we fear others will think we must be really doing badly or something. So out of fear, we work on things alone, or in isolation, or maybe even never.  Cuz, geez… we don’t want people to think we have problems, right???

Upgrades Are For Relationships Too

The truth is every marriage has it’s challenges. And, every couple who wants to move past the challenges has to find ways to grow through them.  The alternative is to just get by. But we want to do better than that.  We want to thrive. The challenges are actually opportunities to grow.

Here’s what upgrades currently look like for us:

Upgrades usually come with a cost.  Carving out extra time to have some very honest and vulnerable conversations, even paying a life coach to walk with us through some of this.

Without upgrades, a product becomes obsolete.  So it is with any relationship. Without intentionally improving and working on things, eventually, the relationship drifts, grows apart and loses its sense of oneness.  We are committed to not letting that happen in our marriage.

Something has to be given up. For me, the need to be right.  That’s a biggie.

Something is gained.  Greater connectedness, understanding each other more deeply, healing, growth, and movement.  So much could be said about what is gained.  The entire point of this is for the gains.  So worth it!

You may wonder why I would share this here.  In part, I share it here because it’s what’s happening in my life right now, but also because I think that if more of us began to talk openly and honestly, we could do much more learning from each other.  Plus, it’s just good to know you’re not the only one, right?

 “A Successful marriage means falling in love many times, and always with the same person.”  Unknown.