You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them. Desmond Tutu
We once took our bikes to Chicago for a day of riding parts of the Lake Shore Trail that we haven’t yet traveled. It was fall break for Andre’ and Joelle, and so we wanted to do something fun! Get out of town! Spend quality time as a family!
And, on our way back, we stopped by Valparaiso University to see Sylas, our oldest, as part of Valpo’s Family Weekend.
It was a Really Big Family Kind of Day. We rode bikes in spite of chilly, variably cloudy weather, ate at a quaint Chicago style hot dog stand, enjoyed fun sites, attended a girls volleyball game at Valpo with Sylas, went out to eat at a place that Sylas chose, and overall had a fun, meaningful, and memorable day.
While that’s all true, the other reality is this:
Andre’ and Joelle complained that biking in Chicago was going to be boring. If it was up to them, we would have just stayed home. “Why do we have to do this again, we just did it.” Which was somewhat accurate.
We had biked for one hour about a month ago, on an entirely different part of the trail. To us, a completely different kind of experience. To them, not so much. “Why can’t we go to Florida for fall break? Everyone else went.”
I was accused of always trying to turn the mundane into something more exciting and adventurous than it really is. Ouch. That hurt.
And, it was cold and windy. There was plenty of complaining about this and that, frustrations, disagreements about where and what to eat, what to do, and arguments over things that I can’t even recall right now, no more important than they were.
All of the usual stuff that most families deal with.
Here’s a picture from the day that captures what may seem more like the Osbornes on a family outing than the Cleavers, but it’s us, and it’s who we are.
In this picture, Charles passionately declares the hot dog he just ate to be the best ever. Whatever he eats, it’s the best ever. Andre’ thinks, “You always say that”. And Joelle is mad because I’m taking pictures. It used to be Andre’ who got mad at pictures. We have a whole era of pictures where all you can see of Andre’ is him hiding from the camera. I guess we’ll always remember that he didn’t like pictures. And so it goes.
As frustrating as it was, the truth is all of it was usual stuff that most families deal with. It’s easy, though, to look from the outside at other families, or read the blogs or facebook posts of our friends and think that they have it so much more together than us.
They are happier.
Their kids are better behaved.
Their parents are cooler.
They get along better.
They are more fun.
They are more… whatever.
Yet, one thing I’ve learned over the years, is that no family is perfect. Every family has it’s fair share of problems, hard stuff to deal with, and challenges. And that is what makes family what it is. Somehow we learn to love in the midst of it all; we learn to care about others in spite of evident short comings. We learn to not always get our way, and hopefully, somehow along the way, we learn to be real.
What a great and genuine reality blog! Yes, that’s what it actually is like. And yet, family is also precious. When they’re independent adults they fill with nostalgia and forget all the friction. Meanwhile, thanks for showing the flip side! All our families have ’em!
I hope someday we all look back and remember all of the great times we had together and can forget all of the other stuff!
This is my favorite of All your blogs. It gives insight, reality, hope and the picture may end up being a famiy favorite. Your writing makes my heart smile!
Thanks, Connie…. you’re such a great example of embracing the messiness while never stop believing and working towards more!
Thanks, Tracy, for this authentic and vulnerable post about your very real (and very precious) family. By sharing, you open all of our hearts to embrace the not perfect in this world, especially our own dear imperfect selves. Because that is truly true Love.
Thank you, Mary. I felt i needed to expose a lie that I’ve tended to hold onto that we need to “look” a certain way as a family. Honesty is freeing!
I do remember Charles saying that about food. It’s his gratefulness towards even the simplest of things in life. What a great trait to pass on to family .
Fernando, it’s easy to cook meals- whatever I make Charles loves!
Thank you for this real and vulnerable side of family. I am guilty. In fact, i have looked at your beautiful family and envied the traditional goodness of the picture you all paint. Tradition somehow excapes the Puckett name. My prayer has been and will continue to be that I have eyes to see the good, and that we all remember the goodness exposed in the real messes. Thank you so much for your tender heart exposed once again. I love your writing.
Lisa, oh my. And I have looked at YOUR family and think you all have it so much more together! Why do we do this?! Thank you for your honest response as well.
This is so real and funny at the same time…so true about comparing ad thinking other families are perfect, but we all have these moments…sometimes more than we even want to admit. Thanks for sharing Tracy, I love it. Brought a smile to my face. Tel Joelle she looks lovely, but at in to how I remember her…maybe you shouldn’t say that:):)
But NOT how I remember her…sorry didn’t check my reply for typos:)
Susan, Joelle will think that’s funny! And, you are right about having more of these kinds of moments than we want to admit. I think we put alot of expectations on ourselves to have the “perfect family” so that others think well of us, I guess.
Thanks for being real and reminding us all that “family is messy!” I’ve dealt with those “perfect mother” and “perfect family” expectations for so long.
Having exchange students helped me chill out some b/c they experienced us day in and day out…whines, gripes, raised voices, tears, etc.
Great post!
Phoebe, you raise a thought provoking point- You mentioned that having someone live with you has helped you to become more real, so to speak. I wonder if we deal with these expectations in part because of living in too much isolation? Thanks for commenting!