My mother in law, Gladys, spent the last few years of her life in a long-term care facility.  Prior to that, she had been actively engaged in life, volunteering in the community, and participating faithfully in her church.

One unfortunate day, as she was driving to volunteer at a local soup kitchen, a middle-aged driver coming towards her crossed the center line and hit her head on.  She spends a week in ICU and a long time following that attempting to regain her independence, but she is never able to.

A couple of years following the accident, she loses her mobility and has no other choice but to go to the nursing home, where we observe a steady decline in her overall well being.

It is about that time that my husband, Charles, is going through a career and life transition which affords him the opportunity to spend intentional time with her every day in the nursing home.  He reads her favorite scriptures from the Bible, takes her to activities that she would otherwise miss, reviews endless pictures from the past with her and even takes her on rides in a wheelchair accessible van that allows her to once again get out and see the world beyond her little 10 x 12 corner of the nursing home.

From Hospice To Life

The change in her is nothing short of miraculous.  Four months previous to this time, she is put on hospice for end of life care.  But slowly, day after day, she begins to come back to life.  We see her become more alert, she starts talking in sentences again rather than one-word syllables, she is much less confused, sits a little less slumped over in her wheelchair and the corners of her mouth even turn up on occasion.  No longer manifesting the signs and symptoms of a terminal diagnosis, the doctor removes her from hospice care.

The change?  It isn’t medication or therapy, even though those have their places.  The change is the daily, meaningful interaction with someone with whom there are mutual care and concern.  That is it.

The Transformative Power of Relationship

In grad school, I did my research thesis on the relationship between social support and how it affects self-esteem and positive health practices.  I poured over the scientific research and find overwhelmingly the evidence suggests what is now a well-known fact and that is that we are at our best when ongoing meaningful, life-giving relationships are the fabric our lives.

The evidence for the power of relationships suggests that we are more likely to reach our goals, get better physical and emotional health, have a greater sense of purpose and meaning, and to overcome adversity.  None of this is new news.

Yet, in my work in the church and as nurse, I have access to the most vulnerable parts of people’s lives and I see how many people do not have the kind of intentional social support and meaningful relationships that lead to human flourishing. Isolation and loneliness are epidemic at a time when we are supposedly more connected than ever.  The lack of meaningful relationships is contributing to high levels of anxiety, depression, and poor health.

The Illusion of Community

I see this same kind of isolation and loneliness in faith communities, where meaningful and authentic heart to heart relationship is meant to be core to our lives together.  Many faithful people show up week after week.  Yet they cannot recall the last time they had a conversation with someone other than a spouse about their hopes, dreams, places of struggle and growth or doubt and questioning.

Faith communities are meant to be places of meaningful relationship and engagement, yet many people only experience pseudo-community.  An illusion of the real thing.

Most of us know the importance and value of relationships.   Yet, knowing what we need does not necessarily correspond to being intentional about doing it.

Becoming Your Best Self

Do you want to grow, flourish and become your best self?  Then it’s worth pursuing the kinds of relationships that will bring out the best in you and vice versa. The kind where you can know and be known. The kind that encourages you to keep pursuing your call, dreams, and passions.

We all have obstacles to overcome in developing these kinds of relationships.  Time and distance may seem like barriers at first but we all know that we make time for whatever we really want.

Distance is no longer an excuse thanks to the invention of the phone and later on Skype.  I have a friend in TX that I Skype with on a regular basis.  We’ve been tracking with each other’s journey for years.  Huge gift.

Or perhaps you’ve been hurt and the trust is low.  Don’t let this stop you and thus limit your growth personally.  Work through the hurt, learn from it, and allow it to transform you to be a person who is willing to risk believing again in the power of relationships.

I am grateful for those few key relationships that I have had in my life over the years that have helped me to become who I am today.  Trust me when I tell you that I know I am a better friend, wife, mother, and human because of these intentional friendships.  Not perfect by a loooooong shot, but better than if I were going it alone in life.

No one reaches his or her potential in isolation.  In fact, if my mother in law is any indication, lack of meaningful relationship leads to decline.  Skype if you need to, clear time in your busy schedule, commit to regular honest conversations, make it happen, be intentional, whatever it takes.  It’s worth it.  Your, and my, flourishing depends on it.  You may be surprised to find that there are parts of you that you thought were dead that just may come back to life.

How about you?  How have you seen relationships, or the lack of them, play out in your life?  Leave a comment!

Photo by Dario Valenzuela on Unsplash