I remember in my early 20’s asking a friend what she hoped to become known for someday. She blankly stared back at me and then said, “nothing”.
“You mean you don’t care about becoming well known for the right reasons, of leaving a significant legacy, or doing something that changes the lives of thousands of people??” I said in disbelief. Once again she looked at me and said, “no”.
If I had known about core needs at the time, specifically the core need for significance, I would have been saved a lot of anguish. I thought I was filled with pride and full of myself. I may have been that, too, but that wasn’t the entire problem!
Briefly, core needs might be defined as those internal needs that drive us, motivate us, and that are hardwired into how we operate and view the world. Everyone has a dominant core need. To that point, I had assumed that every follower of Christ carried the same strong desire to make a difference.
Curious to test this new thought, that not everyone carried this internal desire in the same way I did, I asked a few other friends and got the same answer. “No.”
In spite of all of my sincerely earnest prayers for humility, the longing to do something important, that really mattered, that impacted many people for good, never went away. Eventually, I learned to be good with it. In a tolerating- it- sort- of- way. Maybe like Paul embracing the thorn in his flesh. So, when I began to see that this desire was all part of my God-given design, you can’t imagine how liberating that was!
No longer did I need to tolerate this desire as the evil stepsister that was always lingering around ready to point out my every flaw, I could embrace this core need as part of my identity, my flesh and blood.
I always love learning new things about myself and those around me. But it hasn’t always been easy to be significance motivated. A good friend and pastor of a large church in Texas, Keith Spurgin,once said to me, “I think it’s especially difficult for women in the church who carry the ‘significance’ motivation. It’s much more “appropriate” for women to be about safety and security, (order) and connecting. It can be uncomfortable for men to be around women who want to change the world.”
Understanding my core motivator as one of significance has been helpful. And realizing that what demotivates me is also helpful. A person motivated by significance will not do well in environments, teams or organizations where maintenance is in operation. Yep, that’s true.
In case you’re interested, here are the four basic core needs as outlined by Keith Spurgin:
Connection
Who did I make a connection with today?
Highest value: Relationships
Demotivator: Facts or information that don’t relate to people
Order
What is my role?
Highest Value: Clarity
Demotivator: confusion or problem solving
Freedom
What’s the new idea or dream that we can talk about today?
Highest Value: freedom
Demotivator: clear parameters
Significance
How did we make a difference today?
Highest Value: To matter
Demotivator: maintaining
The value here is that if we know ourselves better, we can more fully embrace who we are. In addition, this awareness can be helpful in understanding those around us, and what motivates our spouses, co-workers, and friends. Finally, the more we know about each other, the better our relationships can be as we understand better how to meet each other and accept one another.
Any idea what your core need might be?