In school, they tell you that there is no such thing as a bad question. I heard it from my elementary teachers all the way through my graduate studies.
In part, that’s true because it’s always better to ask questions than to not ask questions. Asking questions is a very important tool for continuing to learn, to understand others, to improve and sharpen your game.
There Is Such a Thing As A Bad Question
A bad question is asking the wrong question. And unfortunately, asking the wrong question will lead to the wrong answer.
Let’s say I am experiencing a great deal of job dissatisfaction. I ask myself an either/ or question like, Should I quit or should I stay with this job? When, really, the better questions might be, What specifically is not working for me about this job and what can I do about that? Is there something that I need to do that could improve things? Something I need to learn?
When all the possible solutions have been explored and implemented and there is still job dissatisfaction, then it might be time to ask whether its time to quit. But jumping to that conclusion without first doing the work of exploring the right questions perhaps could lead in the wrong direction.
How Do You Ask Better Questions?
I know for myself that at times I have needed help from others to even know what the right questions to ask really are. I think identifying the best questions to ask in any given situation, happens best in community.
One of the downfalls of our individualistic society is that we tend to go it alone when making decisions. I’ve seen it over and over in my work with people as a nurse and as a pastor.
Or we invite people in to help us discern but the questions we pose aren’t even the right questions because we developed the set of questions on our own. We ask an either/ or question of a friend, “Help me know whether I should (fill in the blank) or if I should (fill in the blank)” when there may be an entirely different set of questions that would be more helpful in discerning next steps.
Backing up a step, and saying, “Together, let’s figure out what are the questions that need to be asked in this situation” is more likely to lead towards a path with more optimal, growth producing outcomes.
So may we each learn to make better decisions by asking better questions. And may we surround ourselves with trusted friends who can help us ask those better questions.
Photo by Trung Thanh on Unsplash
I wanted to add that just the other day, I was processing something that had happened with a trusted friend. Of the situation, I said, “I don’t know if it means this (and explained it to her) or this (and described the other possible scenario). She responded so wisely, “Can I ask you another question?” And then went on to pose a third question that truly brought the issues to the surface for me. I would not have identified that the question she asked me on my own, but it truly was the better question to be asking in the given situation. It was the fact that she knows me well and that she had a certain objectivity in this particular situation. That’s why I say asking the best questions happens ideally in community, with those we can trust and who love us.