I am an Extrovert and my husband Charles is an Introvert.  Even though I knew that when we were first married,  I didn’t really get it.

So, as newlyweds I imagined us spending all of our waking time together, enjoying lots of meaningful conversation and doing absolutely everything together.  I must have worn the poor guy out right from the beginning because I didn’t understand that he needed space.  And what seemed to me like a lot of it (and to him he felt he wasn’t getting enough).

As time went on, instead of wanting to hang out together in the evening, he wanted to spend time alone.  He was pastoring a church at that point and was with people most of his day, so when he came home he was ready for some space.  If I would have better understood how he is wired and what he needs to be re-energized, I would have been saved from some real pain.  I felt rejected. We could have mutually saved ourselves frustration with a better understanding of how to meet each other in our differences.

Myers Briggs Gets Real

We had both taken the Myers-Briggs personality inventory before getting married.  It’s one thing to go over the results together as singles, quite another to actually understand what it all means in the context of a committed relationship.  That’s where it gets real. Fortunately for us, we were part of a great community of people who understood some of this stuff.

I recall early in our marriage sitting down with another couple, who were well versed in understanding personality differences in people, and talking some of our differences through.

A Lightbulb Moment

It was then that I began to really understand what it meant for Charles to be an introvert and what he needed.  After that huge lightbulb went on, I realized that I wasn’t being rejected at all, but that Charles simply needed time alone. In fact, I saw that if he had his alone time, then our together times would be even better and more meaningful!

A Better Rhythm

Since then we’ve found a good balance of allowing each other to be who we each are.  Had I never really understood what it meant to be married to an introvert, I can only imagine how that disconnect might have played itself out in our relationship.

While on the topic of personality types, another good one to take is the Keirsey Temperament Sorter.  You can take it here, for free, and get partial results. I found even the partial results to be very interesting. To get the more in-depth report, you will need to pay for the rest.  I came out as “Idealist”. It was fun to read the description of an Idealist and see myself in it.  If you take it, I’d like to know what you are and if you think it fits you!