It was a Thursday like today one year ago that I got the call that my dad was being rushed to the hospital. On the other end of the phone was one of the nurses from the rehab unit where my mom was an inpatient following a total knee replacement.
I had just had coffee with a friend and was driving home when I got the call. I remember exactly where I was when I heard the nurse say, Your dad came to see your mom this morning and he wasn’t right. He was having difficulty speaking, he didn’t seem to know where he was, and he didn’t look good. We called an ambulance to get him to the hospital right away.
Apparently Dad had fallen and hit his head the night before, the nurse told me.
Charles and I jumped in the car as soon as we could and rushed to the hospital a 90-minute drive away, a drive that felt like an eternity. Because it’s so sacred and tender, I won’t go into all that transpired in the hours following. But we as a family had to see things, do things, and experience things that previously would have been unimaginable.
Within 24 hours of that call, my dad had breathed his last breaths on this earth.
Some of what happened during that 24 hours is still as vivid as ever in my mind. The images of my dad in the ED, then in ICU, and finally as he took his last breaths are crystal clear. I clearly recall the moments as a family around Dad’s ICU bed as well as the calls we had to make to our kids literally scattered around the world to let them know what was happening with Grandpa. Other parts of all that unfolded I can’t seem to pull out of my conscious memory anymore.
There were times in the next days and weeks of such great sorrow and grief that I didn’t know how I would make it through except that I knew God’s Spirit was present and carrying me, carrying all of us.
Often over this past year, I would tell myself, A year from now we will look back and see how far we’ve come. We will know that we made it through all of those first holidays, special days, and times as a family without Dad, just like so many others before us have done.
Hope
Hope has a way of beautifully emerging even in the most trying of times. Faith whispers and gives hope that death doesn’t have the final word, that suffering and grief are not forever, and that healing and better days are ahead.
Thankfully, we don’t have to stay stuck and trapped in that space of pain and loss. We grieve, we heal, and we grow through it all as we allow the difficulty to transform us even more into who we are meant to be. This is true no matter what the difficult circumstance is that you or I face.
One Year Later
So now here we are, a year later. We made it, just like I told myself we would. Of course, we still miss Dad. We always will. There are times when the grief rises to the top of my soul and the tears flow, but it’s less and less as time goes on. I’m sure there will always be a sense of loss. How could there not be?
Sunday we will all be together as a family with my mom to mark the first year anniversary of my dad’s passing from this life with us to the next. It’s part of our ongoing grief and healing process, but it’s also a celebration of the fact that we are here now. One year later. We made it, as I knew we would. The grief didn’t consume us or overtake us.
And no matter what you are facing now, you will make it too. You can because there is a God who is always there for us, walking with us in the grief and pain of life, bringing healing and hope even in the darkest of places.
If you’ve read this far, thank you. It helps me to share this story with you, since healing has happened through the love and support of so many of you. It’s the beauty of humanity. We truly are better together and together we can and we will get through, no matter what the circumstance is. It’s why I called this post, We Made It, because WE do, WE help each other get up time and time again.
So whatever difficulties you are facing on the journey right now, you too will be able to look back at some point and see just how far you’ve come.
You can and you (plural) will make it too.
We are here to give each other hope. What you and I experience is common to our brothers and sisters as well. We are not alone. Our fellow Christians are available and God is always with us. I find the hymnal as well as the Bible to be a valuable and comforting resource. God bless you as you speak what others are feeling.
Thanks, Marj. I love what you said- we are here to give each other hope. So good!
Thank you Tracy for this beautiful expression of your thoughts and memories! We just lost Bruce’s Dad 10 days ago. We as Christians can celebrate and at the same time grieve. I am glad Bud and Kenny knew Christ and I can celebrate that we will see them again for eternity!
With your recent loss, you are on a similar journey. Yes, it’s so good to have the hope of seeing our dads again!
Wow do I understand, loosing my dad was the hardest thing I have ever been through.
Now that we are working on our land getting ready to make a move I think of my dad so much.
He would have so much fun there.
I remember your dad from earlier years at grandma Laffin’s.
He seemed to be the jokester of the group.
I’m sure just like me the memories of our dads pop up in ways we didn’t expect.
We were both so blessed to have dads that were one in a million.
Treasure your memories! I pray for peace and comfort for your family.
Tina I can relate to that feeling of experiencing something (like being on your new property) and impulsively thinking about letting dad know. Often I still think of texting him or sending a picture of something I know he’d love to hear about but then I remember… Yes, we are blessed to have such wonderful dads.
Thanks for this. Wrapping up selling my parents’ home this week. My father passed a little over a year ago. Even though we weren’t close, life has changed immensely. Its sometimes a struggle to move forward, yet the invitation is imminent. Very encouraging to know others are finding ways to “make it.”
I imagine that even if you aren’t close to a parent, their death still leaves a hole of some kind and an opportunity to lean in. Thanks for adding your voice to this space.
Just remember, you have the assurance that Bud is in Heaven, not everyone gets that. As it says in Ecclesiastes 3, a time for everything and a season for every activity under Heaven, a time to be born and a time to die. In more time your grief will lessen as I know so well, but our loved ones are never ever forgotten. I think a lot of both your Dad and Mom. May God continue to bring your family healing.
Yes, “because WE do, WE help each other get up time and time again.” Thanks, Tracy.
Thanks, Mary
Thanks, Sue, for these good words. May you be blessed as well in your own journey of healing.
Precious. You share so honestly. So glad you and yours have “made it”. We know how much you loved your Daddy. Grateful you and yours have leaned on His Everlasting Arms to guide you through. Yet, it is true, life is never the same after someone very close to you goes on to eternity. Keeps us needy in many ways….and that’s often a humble place to be.
Much Love to You and Your Family! Connie B.
I love this comment on how a loss keeps us in a humble space- that’s gold. Thanks, Connie.
Just remember, you have the assurance that Bud is in Heaven, not everyone gets that. As it says in Ecclesiastes 3, a time for everything and a season for every activity under Heaven, a time to be born and a time to die. In more time your grief will lessen as I know so well, but our loved ones are never ever forgotten. I think a lot of both your Dad and Mom. May God continue to bring your family healing.
Thank-you, Tracy for this beautiful reflection! It reminds me of that pain from the loss of my parents! How blessed we are to be surrounded by loving family and friends to walk this grief journey. We also are blessed to have the hope that comes from the good Lord above. I think your reflection provided hope for others who are grieving so many losses due to COVID too. Blessings to you!
Thanks Vicky- yes, you raise an important perspective. Loss and grief doesn’t come just from the loss of a loved one. Relationships, jobs, dreams, etc,-so many things that can put us on this journey.